Random Thoughts

It is hard not to think about what life would have been like for the kids if they were still in Ethiopia... Our agency stopped "offering" adoptions for children over 12 the week we decided to adopt our kids. Joseph and Marta had already had to stop going to school because of the cost for their books (about 90 cents each), and they already didn't have money for food some days. What would it be like if they were their now? Would they be hungry? Probably. I am certain Joseph would be working full time - but the rest remains unseen. I am so glad. And seriously, if it weren't for so many of you who have prayed for us and helped support us financially so that our kids to come home, I really don't know what would have happened. The kids would probably still be in the orphanage, waiting for us to come.

Marta talks a lot about the other kids from the orphanage and how each of the kids moms look in the photo albums sent from America. It is very evident that they looked at our pictures often. But that makes sense too. While I was waiting to travel I looked at our kids pictures constantly and memorized each hair. So today when Marta told me that my hair was, "very beautiful in picture, very curl, mom" I knew that my straighter hair now must be strange. When I told her I was going to get it cut after school today she was so surprised. Maybe even a little sad. I wonder if she would have liked it if I had worn the exact outfit from my pictures on the day we picked them up. Maybe everyday. She is great with change and such a kind and caring girl but I wonder if it would have helped her a little bit.

2 nights ago I asked the kids to pray in English - it was a selfish request - I have been dying to know what they say when they pray. I want to know the "format" and I want to know why they pray for 10-15 minutes each and every time we pray. (You know it's bad when you decide NOT to have prayers because we have to leave the house in 20 minutes :)) They all prayed for their mom and gave thanks for their brothers and sisters. They thanked God for Ben and I too. As we were waiting to go to Ethiopia to pick up the kids I was really afraid that they would never love me as much as they love Mesalech. I knew their relationship and love for Ben as their dad would be fine because 1) he is such a fabulous dad and 2) they haven't had a dad in so long that I knew they would be ready for him. But for me, I was worried. Really worried. I don't worry anymore. Do they love me as much as they love Mesalech? No. But it is OK, truly and absolutely OK. I have God to thank for that because it is NOT MY PERSONALITY to be OK with being 2nd. But it is OK and I am glad. Glad that I can hold the kids when they miss her, glad that God has chosen me to be their mom here. I love them with my entire being. They way they smile and laugh, the way they will cuddle into me on the couch, the way they will hold my hand when we walk down the street. Mesalech will ALWAYS be their Anat (Ethiopian Mom) and I am so glad that I can be their Mom too.