I already told you about the traumatic haircutting incident for Jacob the other day - now I must tell you about Marta's hair!
Before we adopted people would ask me often about Marta's hair. "What will you do with her hair?" "Do YOU know how to do her hair?" "What product will you use on her hair?" And the comments came from EVERYONE! Strangers and friends alike were worried about my ability to DO Marta's hair. I on the other hand thought it would be fine - I usually responded with, "I read some books" or "I talked to some friends - it will be fine"
OH! I was SO wrong!
Marta's hair is a labor of love all right! It is gorgeous and curly and so far out of my area of expertise that I actually dreamt about it last night. I took her to a salon yesterday for help - I am STILL confused. I posted a question on my Ethiopia Adoption Web Board - I am still wondering. I asked my friends who have kids from Africa - they ALL had different answers. Today I am taking her to another salon...
The good news is that she can braid it completely on her own - and she does it REALLY well. She knows all about taking care of her hair in Ethiopia but it is different here. The water is different, the conditioners are different, even the comb she uses is different! Her hair is so dry and I don't know how to fix it!
I have mixed feeling on how glad I am that she knows how to take care of it! Part of me is EXTREMELY relieved that she can braid it (not my gift) but at the same time it would be nice if she NEEDED me too. She needs me to teach her to use the right products but she doesn't really know that she needs me yet... she is nearly a teenager after all! :)
So anyway... that is my little concern/question for the day - HOW DO I TAKE CARE of her hair! If you have any advice please leave me a comment - you can do it anonymously if you like! :)
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Hi there! My name is Laura and I don't know you, but I love your blog and your kids are beautiful. I saw this post and decided that I should offer my help since I do actually know a lot about caring for African hair. I was a full-time foster mom for the last 2 years just out of college and had at least a dozen African-American "daughters," so I've sort of seen it all when it comes to hair. I was blessed to work for an agency that did really comprehensive training on hair care, and also have lots of beautiful girls to practice on.
That's great that your daughter knows how to braid her own hair and does it beautifully! What a blessing. The products can be really bewildering at first, but I'm sure you will be able to help her.
Here's my guide/suggestions (I hope this helps, please email me if you have any questions or anything):
In terms of combs, she should only use a wide-toothed comb to comb her hair. She should never comb it while it's dry or even wet without putting some product into it (we'll get to that). If you comb it without some added moisture, it will break, sometimes literally coming off in chunks! For braiding and making parts, a "rat-tail" comb is essential- these are the ones with the long thin metal piece that comes straight out the end of what looks like a regular comb. You can use either end to part the hair, but the metal end is especially helpful.
It looks like her hair is long, thick, and filled with very beautiful coarse curls. It is gorgeous but is also a lot drier and harder to keep healthy.
In terms of learning to braid, the biggest things are learning to make good sections and parts, learning to moisturize the hair adequately before you braid it, making nice tight pretty braids, and then keeping them up well with the right products. That part you probably could learn best by watching her, watching a hairstylist do it, or watching a video maybe? It really takes having your hands on their hair and trying it to get it. Maybe you could do "salon nights" with her where she gets to be pampered and watch a movie and eat popcorn and you can just get to know her hair and then gradually build skills. We always did movie and popcorn- works like a charm, at least with younger ones :)
Now on to products. This seems like what you need the most help with!
1) Shampoo- Only African-American kind. She should only shampoo her hair a maximum of once a week (really, with coarse hair often they will tell you once a month! We usually did every other week) and use a small amount. When she does it, she should wash her hair twice in a row with a small amount of shampoo. You don't want to scrunch the hair around in a circle like you would on your head probably- you should start and the roots and bring your hands out as the hair flows from root to tip. She should do it in a shower so that the rinse water is not staying on her hair like it would for a bath (you want the dirt and soap to go away).
In terms of brands, the 3 I would recommend without reservation are: Motiions, Pink, and the brand with the green bottles and pink tops that's just for kids. I can't remember what it's called! I found that we liked the way Motions smelled and worked, but that kids line is great too. The motions shampoo we used is called Motions at Home Lavish Conditioning Shampoo.
You should make sure you buy the shampoo and conditioner that say they are for medium to coarse hair (at least for motions, they have two options- light to medium, and medium to coarse).
2) Conditioner- Conditioning her hair is really important, and there are LOTS of ways to do it. We would use the Motions deep conditioner for medium to coarse. It recommends applying very liberally and then letting it sit for 10-15 minutes. It's even better if you wrap their head in a shower cap or saran wrap to hold in the moisture better. Then rinse it out gently. You can and should condition her hair every time she rebraids it (I'm assuming around once or twice a week unless she's really into braiding all the time!). The Motions conditioner is called "Moisture Plus" I believe.
3) Oil Moisturizer- This is going to be your essential ally in keeping her hair soft and healthy! You will want to add a generous amount of it to her hair every time before she combs it. It is easiest to do when it's wet and she's just out of the shower. Slather your hands in this and rub it through her hair gently. You will be amazed how much her hair will soak up. Then comb her hair out gently with the wide-toothed comb. You should also do this in the morning and at night any time that her hair is out of braids.
4) Spray Leave-In Conditioner: You will want to buy some of this for the times when she wants to fix her hair without getting in the shower. When she takes it out of being styled and before she combs it, she should spray it up liberally with this stuff. It will make it a lot easier to comb and prevent breakage. You could buy the "motions for kids" kind or the regular adult leave-in conditioner spray.
5) Shiny Spray! This stuff is called "Sheen Spray" in the Motions brand and comes in a big yellow aerosol. It is something you will spray over her head every day before school or before heading out. You should buy the "extra moisturizing" kind if you can find it. It smells really nice and will make her hair so shiny and beautiful for school.
6) A word on "hair grease": You will see these products that are literally grease and will claim to help grow their hair. They come in a small tub and usually are enriched with various things and have names like "Africa Gro" or "African Pride." They do moisturize for sure, but they are super sticky and greasy and thus attract dirt and are really hard to comb through and spread evenly. Marta may be used to using something like this in her hair, but unless she's really attached to it, I would say this is something that is unnecessary and even sort of counter-productive I found.
In tooling around on the Motions website, I have found that they also have a line of products called Motions CPR (Critical Protein and Reconstruction) for hair that is damaged. If you feel like Marta's hair still needs more moisture after lots of conditioning, oil moisturizer, leave-in conditioner, and shiny spray, than you could try that stuff. I would also recommend going to a African-American salon and asking to have her hair conditioned.
If it is a persistent problem, they will probably recommend having her hair "texturized." This is a chemical treatment that relaxes the curl slightly so that she would have softer hair that is still beautifully curly but is not nearly so dry or hard to manage. This is a major step to take but it does have beautiful results and maintains the look of African hair without relaxing it completely. I had a daughter whose hair was very short and coarse naturally and texturizing was literally a God-send for being able to comb, style, and keep it looking super healthy. We were really apprehensive about doing it but we were very glad to have done it. We had it done by a stylist the first time and then would do the roots ourselves with the kit at home after that.
This is already super long, but I hope it has been helpful! If you think of it....let me know how it goes and if any of this helps! If I missed something or there is something she does very differently, let me know and I will do my best to help.
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