Ethiopia Mom

Jacob got in trouble yesterday because he wanted to ride his bike around the block like Joseph. I told him "No!" , and then told him "No!" again and then he started to ride around the block -- onto our busy street! He came back when I started yelling like a crazy woman!

Of course right before that Danny had fallen and was crying and Addy was wanting to be carried like a baby! Marta had also gone around the block because I thought she was asking to have her picture taken and I said yes... to the picture! NOT TO RIDING AROUND THE BLOCK! So when Jacob asked, it was a very clear, "NO!"

Jacob came back and was sad and mad and embarrased. I told him no more bike today and made him sit and watch the rest of the kids. He was TICKED! When Ben got home, Danny was done crying, Addy was playing, Marta was back (and had her bike taken for the day), and Joseph was there to translate, we explained how scared I was and how he CANNOT do that again! Joseph was busy talking to him explaining everything and kept looking at me while talking. We finally asked him to tell us what Jacob was saying... Joseph looked away and said, "he want Ethiopia Mommy" My heart was crushed -- I think it still is. I did what all good parents would do... I said, "well that' s not gonna happen - Jacob, I am your mom and you have to stay here!" I am not sure what came over me... I wish it was sympathy and compassion but I think my heart was still racing from the image of a smooshed Jacob in the street.

After a very pitiful apology from Jacob I marched him up to my room and MADE him sit with me on my bed. He was not going to bend and he was still ticked. I knew that the rest of the night could go 2 ways, he could pout and mope and be rotten to be around OR I could try to mend and establish a stronger bond with his American Mommy. I started talking to him about school and he gave very short answers or ignored me completely. I sat there and prayed, "God tell me what to do!" Suddenly, I was telling Jacob... "When Jacob is 8 - I am your Mommy, when Jacob is 10... when Jacob is 12, when Jacob is 100 I will always be your Mommy and I will always love you and you will always be with me. " This monlogue went on for several minutes and then suddenly he grabbed me and kissed me and said he loves me and that he was sorry. He cuddled into me and kissed me again... THANK YOU, GOD for the words to say to a little boy who is hurting and missing his Ethiopian Mommy... the one who understands what he says, makes the food that he loves best, and smells like home!

The rest of the evening was better... not great - but better! I guess the whole 2 steps forward, 1 step back is so very true!